It’s the New Year, so you might be thinking about what you want this year to look like for your family. What are your goals or vision for your family? Creating a Family Manifesto or Family Mission Statement might help, and this post will walk you through how to do just that!
My husband and I started ours a few months ago but never completed it, so when the New Year rolled around we thought it would be a good time to revisit and finalize our manifesto. Getting started can feel a little daunting, but just remember that it can be a living document and something that is changed as life changes.
I don’t know about you, but since having kids I feel like I am blown wherever the wind takes me, and I can’t say I love that feeling. In fact, the control freak in me ends up feels pretty anxious when I don’t have a sense of direction. What battles do I pick? What do I let go of? How do I help these tiny humans and myself become a person of love, joy, peace, and resilience. Any of these thoughts sound familiar? Having a clear vision for our long term goals feels grounding.
A manifesto is a public declaration about one’s intent or motive. It sounds so big and official, which can be a little intimidating. It’s like writing vows for your family and that’s a big deal. But, the reality is, your family lives by some set of intentions that form your decisions, so why not thoughtfully consider what you want your family’s intentions to be.
Getting Started
Make it a date! This doesn’t have to be intense and serious. It can actually lead to some great conversations with your spouse. Grab a coffee or make yourself a drink, we made a Pistachio Martini and had a at-home date night when the kids were down. Pull out a notebook, or use my worksheet below from the Resource page to do a brain dump. The first step is to get your thoughts on paper. Ideally, I would do this individually and set a 5-10 minute timer where you both write down your thoughts before coming together. Here are some questions we asked ourselves as we were brain storming.
- What do we desire for our kids when they leave our home?
- What do we want to train our kids in?
- What do we want our family to be known for?
- What are our greatest values?
- What is our end game?
Ready, set, start dumping! These questions are to get you moving in the right direction, and not meant to be judged or refined.
Compare, Combine, and Compile
Now that you both have responded to some of these questions and the juices are flowing it’s time to compare. Let me give you a word of caution about comparing your answers… I did not say judge each other’s answers, I said compare, so this means observing what is similar and what is different. You just responded to some pretty vulnerable questions (that you are probably passionate about) so your different responses may lead you to feel offended or like you need to justify your answers. I think there is a real temptation to let your pride get in the way of being collaborative with your spouse if you have a different vision, or an “Oh Crap” moment when it seems like none of the values line up. So take a deep breath and start combining your lists with an open mind.
Now it is time to combine your lists by starting with what is similar. This the easy part! After you have combined the similarities it’s time to talk about what is different. Compile the differences by talking through them one at a time and putting it into one of four buckets.
- To Keep
- To Keep but Tweak
- Toss it (You will need to toss some of your ideas and that is ok!)
- Still thinking
Write it Out
I would suggest narrowing the list to 5-10 words or short phrases that are easy to remember. For our family, we narrowed it down to 5 words with a 1-2 sentence description of what that looks like. We also wrote out a pledge that frames the rest of the manifesto. In addition to that, we also wanted Bible verses that connected to each of our 5 points. Remember this your family’s manifesto so it should sound and look like your family! There is no right or wrong, better or worse.
Including Kids
Depending on the age of your kids make sure to include them! If they are old enough you could include them for the whole process or invite them at the end. Our kids are on the young side, so we plan to use this as a teaching tool about why we do certain things and don’t do other things. We also plan to use this as the kids grow for an accountability tool and that all members (yes that includes me and my husband) can be called out.
To give an example, one of our family values is grit. For us, grit looks like we won’t complain, we won’t give up, and we will seek to find joy in the challenges. So now, fast forward to a potential situation of our son not liking his soccer teammates or coach and wanting to quit midway through the season. While there might be many ways to justify the decision to quit, I would like our family to refer back to our Manifesto to determine if that decision aligns with what we said agreed upon as our highest value. Maybe it will, maybe it won’t. But at least we are forced to make a decision based on our values and not on our emotions. And for what it is worth I do believe emotions have a place in making a decision but they are just one factor.
Last but not least, print it out and put it somewhere you will see often!